Coming Around

It has been a lousy month. I don’t think I am suffering from clinical depression, but I am depressed. And angry. And tired. Both mentally and physically.

I took unpaid leave for a good part of November and December to try and get over things, which has an impact on my bottomline, naturally. I didn’t curb my spending much, but I am not a naturally big spender, so I guess things did not turn out quite so horrific. Having a big buffer also helps, and if nothing, this bout of semi-depression has confirmed for me that I can go for quite a while without working if I really wish to, as long as I don’t try to live it up too much during this period.

I really want to take a long sabbatical, like a whole six months, and do nothing but laze around and play video games, and read, until I get totally sick of it (these last two months don’t count, since I feel so bad most of the time). My bosses are agreeable; although I probably have to deal with disapproval from my parents. My other worry is that a sabbatical may turn out to be a slippery route down the hill; what if I like it too much? I’ll never be content to work again for the rest of my life (not that I am exactly happy to work now though), and I am nowhere near financial independence yet, and probably not for another ten years. Another thing to plague myself about to death.

Did a spot of spring cleaning during the Christmas weekend, and feel a lot better. There is something really therapeutic about cleaning. This weekend is slated for some housekeeping on my computer and data, and then I will be ready for the new year. Putting things in order physically has also spurred me to take back some control over things I let go this year:

1)       The exercise routine is going to get re-established;

2)      I am going to try and play a bit more mahjong and hopefully participate in a tournament sometime next year;

3)      Work situation needs to be stabilized. Things have not improved thanks to my absences, and even though we have worked out a new workscope for me, I can’t feel anything but the barest flutter of enthusiasm for it. I need to figure out if leaving may not really be the best solution after all. A new environment and set of colleagues may just be what I need to rekindle my enthusiasm.

There are many, many other things I would like in my life – volunteering, certain courses and certification, a more balanced social life etc, but previous experiences tell me that if I try to do everything at once, I am just going to burn out in a short time. So I guess if I can get the above settled, I will have done enough for this year.

It seems like I managed to write the obligatory a resolution post after all despite my dislike of such posts!

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