Today, I started getting that tight feeling in my chest again, the feeling I always get when I am scared and stressed about something. Sometimes, the feeling just comes on and I can’t find any cause. I haven’t had it in quite a while, even during my “depression” month of December. I was just sad and angry then, but not scared.
I am feeling it now. And I am quite sure it is due to my visit with the HR manager today.
We didn’t speak about anything new. Updated her about my mental and physical health, and where I am with work at the moment. I know the reason for her calling me; she was evaluating me for the move to the new department under Mr. C. And I know she was testing me to see if I was ready, and I was so nervous and stressed trying not to jeopardize my chances. My back was wet with sweat at the end of the interview.
I know I am a shoo-in for the transfer; I only need time to get my attendance and performance back on track. April was the dateline I had given myself to re-evaluate things with management. By then, I hope to have a normal work attendance record to show. In the meantime, I was cruising along with the reduced workscope and generally feeling fine.
However, Mr. C is in a hurry to bring me into his department. I know he is under tremendous pressure to perform and he needs me on board ASAP. I understand that many people in department have expressed interest in joining Mr. C in the new department, but he doesn’t want to consider anyone else other than me, even with my physical health being so questionable at this stage. He told his boss and the HR manager unequivocably that he will not consider anyone for his deputy except me. He went as far to say that not a single person in my current department of 150 can match me in terms of the skills he would require.
So, Mr. C has been lobbying fiercely for my immediate transfer in the last two weeks. HR is kind of in a dilemma when it comes to justifying my transfer. On one hand, they have been given strict instructions to give Mr. C whatever he asks for. On the other hand, they feel I am not ready for the transfer. Lastly, it is well known that Mr. C and I are on very good terms, so HR wants to try and avoid the implication of cronyism, which will not be good for my public image. Mr. C has indicated he doesn’t give a damn what others think. Besides, he supports cronyism in principle as long the end justifies the mean. In this case, the end is getting a deputy he can work with synergistically.
I am also not sure if my current bosses have been consulted on the move and what they have indicated. They are both not exactly speaking to me at the moment. I don’t know if that is intentional or accidental, since we are a big department, and we don’t necessarily talk to each other every day.
I appreciate Mr. C’s efforts trying to get me on board, but I think his impatience have landed me in the middle of an unpalatable situation where no one is happy, whereas if we had stuck to my timeline, I would have been in a better situation to negotiate a move. Is this one of the “work obstacles” that the geomancer predicted?